Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Why I'm not excited to go to Colorado...

So I haven't been to church in two weeks. I know that's not good, but I also know my God understands. We do speak regularly and I have made it a daily habit to spend time in meditation reflecting and allowing him to guide me on my next path as well as work out some issues that could only be the result of my own mind trying to find solutions on it's own. I know how important it is to not forsake the assembly of the church, but if you've been like me lately and have not made it I'd just like to remind you that it's much more important to have a continual relationship with our father, rather than just the one on Sunday Mornings. So don't feel so bad, Daddy understands :) 

Anyhoo, my upcoming internship in Fort Collins, Colorado is swiftly approaching, I'll be working in the communications department of the USDA. Everyone keeps asking me if I'm excited, and of course I am happy and oh so blessed for this opportunity, but for some reason, I cannot identify with the specific word "excited." Usually for me excited mean, anxious, the feeling of "Oh I just can't wait",but now a days since I've been practicing being at peace, I also have a constant reminder in the form of a tattoo on my right forearm, I can't seem to feel excited anything more than the next.

Nowadays it seems like everything excites me. Th simple joys of life are what I draw my happiness from. Every breath I take is exciting, every smell I smell is exciting, every color I see, every texture I feel, and every move I make is exciting. The problem for me in the past has been that I was always waiting for the next big thing to make me feel happy. The issue with that is, once it comes and passes, I would just be left waiting for something new. 

The journey of being at peace for someone like me, who constantly has 1,000 thoughts and plans and to do list trapped in her brain, is to just be still. To be happy with nothing to do, to not be worried about the things I do have to do, and to not plan 21 more thing for myself to do before I can be happy. God has opened so many doors for me, that I never even knew I had the key to, so I figure if God is in control, maybe I should just sit back and enjoy not having to drive. 

When I am finally in Colorado I do believe that I'll feel excited, I've never seen this place before besides in pictures, I'll be staying at Colorado State University, working at a new job, making money, meeting people and doing all sorts of cool and "exciting" things. But until I get there, I'm just excited to be right here, in Orlando,Fl, smelling my mom cooking fried chicken in the kitchen, being surrounded by my crazy family, seeing palm trees that will soon be mountains, being at peace, and thanking God for blessing me with it.


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